As September slides into October, a beautiful transformation takes place. The trees that have so faithfully shaded us with their jade leaves now gently shine in the brilliant hues of amber. A few moments in the slowly cooling October air reminds me that every tree has a story. The branches have not always been laden with bright colored leaves; at times they have been bare. Each tree is different, but every tree's story serves to glorify its Maker.
I would like to think of myself as an Aspen tree, confident but peaceful. My story with my Maker started when I was just a sapling, 5 years old. I remember being at a Vacation Bible School at my church, and there deciding that I wanted my life story to be about Jesus. I was blessed to be raised in an authentic Christian home, and gradually began to find my footing in my faith, yet my life was far from perfect. Throughout my childhood, I experienced loss of loved ones, the effects of my own sin, and frustration in my perceived lack of growth. In high school, anxiety rushed in eagerly with the pressures of intense academics, social expectations, and my own perfectionism. For more than four years, I tried to live up to these expectations, praying for the peace of Jesus but letting anxiety become a part of my identity. It gave me a false sense of control over my life.
The final straw came for me in an unhealthy relationship my first year out of high school. As anxiety kept beating me down during this time, the Lord spoke to me through John 17. The High Priestly prayer of Jesus in this chapter washed over me with freedom. John 17 is Jesus, my Savior and Friend, praying earnestly for me. Whenever I would start into the spiral of despair, I countered the attack by reading John 17. Once I reached the end of the chapter, I found that I could breathe easier, and my mind was stable on the peace of Christ. But now that I had finally overcome the anxiety that had lied to me, I had to unearth my true identity in Christ.
As I said goodbye to dating relationships and surrendered my brokenness to the Lord, He graciously redeemed His dreams in my heart and grounded me in His presence. I've come to know Him as the only One who loves me fully and completely, even and especially knowing my deepest parts. Just like the trees that grow, reach, and transform every year, He has created me to glorify Him. I am constantly learning how to take up my cross and follow Jesus, recognizing that it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. As the apostle Paul wrote, "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own." (Philippians 3:12)
